Secret Anguish

Secret Anguish

Well it’s been a rough one with this book ad I had so much work to do on this book And recently had to toss a lot of it away. But I worked hard on building the book back up.

So now I have a decent sized book that I am happy with. So I have gone and published the digital version at Amazon Kindle and published the paperback at lulu.com. The reason I did that was because I couldn’t get the KDP paperback to work. I did what they said but they would never make a paperback. So I’ll post both links here,

Kindle: https://www.amazon.com/Secret-Anguish-Mental-Health-Journey-ebook/dp/B07N4P8W67/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1549092492&sr=8-2&keywords=janis+soucie

Paperback: http://www.lulu.com/shop/janis-soucie/secret-anguish-my-mental-health-journey/paperback/product-23961377.html

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Uncategorized

Secret Angiush

It has been a long couple of days. I have been working on my next book, Secret Anguish: My Metal Health Journey and I have had to toss out so much of my book because I realized it would’t help my story at all. It had to do with allergies and asthma and that has nothing to do with mental illness. I think this book may be a novella by the time I’m done weeding everything.

I have a couple of chapters I can keep that do have to deal with mental heals so I’ll start my rewrite from there, and see what I come up with. Hopefully, I’ll have a decent manuscript by the time I’m done.

But I’d better get going while I can. Before my 3 year old son needs something and I’m interrupted,

So I’ll work on what I have ready to use and then I should also consult the journal entries I have from years past and see what information they can provide. Well, I’m off. Best of luck to you if you are editing your manuscript. It’s a tough job so take your time and don’t rush it. So long for now!

Secret Anguish

Secret Anguish: My Mental Health Journey

Okay so I have really been tackling editing on two books. One I think is pretty good so I’m leaving that one alone. But it’s this one about my mental health, Secret Anguish. I went through it and couldn’t imagine what I was thinking some of the chapters I had included. They just didn’t make any sense. So you know what I did, I axed those suckers right out of the book. That removed 22,000 words from my story but it had to be done. I’m down to a little over 30,000 words now. About the size of my other book.

And then I had to remove other whole pages or whole paragraphs to make sure everything lined up. But now that I’m at the end I’m realizing there is some information I could include that would go with the mental health title. So I am working on adding in some information from my therapy days while I was still in Vermont. And I thought after the move to Maine in 2011 I would add in some things from my stay in the hospital. Those are the only two things I can think of adding right now. Then I’ll probably print my book again and go over it again. Editing just never ends it seems like.

Speaking of editing, do you have a certain way that you edit your work? I really don’t at least nothing methodical. Do you use any books to help you on your way? I have one book but I haven’t read it all yet. There are several articles out there than can help you too if you need help.

Here is one website that will help with editing:

https://www.lisatener.com/2012/02/how-to-edit-a-nonfiction-book-one-step-at-a-time/

General Updates, Memoir, Mental health, Sackets Saga Book 1, Writing Updates

Update

Lately, I have been working on Sackets Harbor Saga Book 1. I don’t have a title for the book yet, but I know it will come.

The story I was working on about my mental health really turned out to be article length after I scrapped most of the idea I had. So no book there like I was hoping.

But I am happy to be working on Book 1 in a series. This is based in historical Sackets Harbor, NY. I went to school there and know the history pretty well so thought I would write a story based in that area but in a different time period. So that is what I have been working on as I can. I have been struggling emotionally for several days and just started a new medication. I only hope it helps and that I’ll be able to do more writing in the morning.

What have you been working on lately? Making any progress?

Please let me know in the comments.

Mental Illness and Creativity

Mental Illness & Creativity

Some people think that those with mental illness have this great ability to be creative. Well, I am someone with a mental illness and I can tell you I actually have a hard time being creative. It’s like in my depressed moods all I want to do is stare at a wall or sleep. The last thing I want to do is try to write a story whether fiction or nonfiction. I just lay on the couch having no energy and no motivation.

When I’m hypomanic my mind is so scattered, going from one idea to the next. Whatever I’d write probably wouldn’t make much sense, especially since I don’t sleep much. But this is just me.

I swear having a mental illness makes it harder for me to think, to bring my creativity out. I don’t know that having a mental illness can actually make it harder to be creative. This is just my own person thought because I know I love to write but lately have been having such a hard time getting into my creative flow.

Do any of you notice that having a mental illness makes it harder to be creative? What do you think about my statement?

Feel free to leave a comment. I’d love to hear from you.

highly sensitive person, Secret Anguish

Mental Health and Being a Highly Sensitive Person

As you all know I am back working on my book Secret Anguish which details my story of having mental illness. Well, what I forgot to tell you was that it also mentions that I am a highly sensitive person. And because I’m an HSP, I had to stop and research the symptoms of being and HSP again because it had been so long since I had done so. Well, I was reminded that HSPs are more emotional people and react more to situations and to interaction with others than those who aren’t HSPs.

This made me think, “Could being and HSP also have some bearing on my mental illness? Like could being so easily overstimulated make me feel anxious? Can it make me just want to crawl into bed and hide under the covers mimicking depression? Can it exhaust me and wear me down so that I feel depressed? Is the reason for my anxiety just depression and anxiety stemming from being an HSP?”

The answer to the last question is “no”. It’s not just being an HSP that has me feeling depressed or anxious. It may have some contributing factor, but I was born into a household with a very moody parent where I couldn’t do things right no matter how hard I tried. I was always criticized and the things I did well were never rewarded. I became so afraid of my father’s moodiness (including anger), that I was afraid to breathe around him because if he heard me breathe then he might remember I was in the room with him and then he might start unleashing his anger again.

Now, something I do remember reading about being an HSP is that, having gone through trauma like I did with my dad being the way he was, that you can become an HSP because of that trauma. However, I do remember having some traits of being and HSP as a child anyway, so maybe I was just born with it. Either way, whether I was born with the HSP trait or developed them, doesn’t matter. The end result is that I am and HSP now and that does have some contribution to my mental health.

I am a mom of two, a housewife, and we have one chinchilla, one chihuahua, and three parakeets. The noise of everything gets overwhelming, I get anxious and several times a day I have to flee into my room with the curtains drawn to rest. I also struggle to get out of bed because bed is comfy and quiet. If I get out of bed, I will be subject to all the noise and chaos of life again.

So now I have a decision to make. Do I include being an HSP into Secret Anguish or do I create a whole new book?

What would you like to see? Would you like to see the HSP trait as a book on it’s own, or included with Secret Anguish? Please leave your comments below. I’d love to hear from you.

Also, if you’re an HSP and have mental health issues like I do, I’d love to hear from you too! What do you find is the most difficult for you to deal with every day with being an HSP and how does it affect your mental health?

Reflections of the Heart, Secret Anguish

And Around We Go!

Just last week I wrote a post about shutting down work on my second book Secret Anguish. Well, there have been a change of plans, which I didn’t foresee.

Just yesterday morning I heard back from a literary agent I contacted just last month, and they want to see the first three chapters and a synopsis for Reflections of the Heart (my first book). So what does this have to do with Secret Anguish? Well, I kind of mentioned that I was working on a second book in my query letter, so now I’m like, “Well, what if they want to see work on the second book too?”

And I kept praying about Secret Anguish and if God really wants me to work on this book or not. I keep feeling a draw to write it no matter how difficult it may be emotionally. (I’ll still have to keep a close eye on my mental health.) And I have a LOT of work to do on it. I’m still in the phase of gathering my sources.

So this whole literary agent contacting me asking to see more of one book, has really motivated me to move forward with another book.

We never know just how things are going to turn out when we have several projects going. It’s just amazing how God can turn things around just when you think you’re done with a project, he says, “No, you’re not finished. I need you to work on this and finish it.”

So here I go. I’ve sent off the email to the literary agent with what she’s asked to see. And I’m back hard at work, on Secret Anguish.

I hear my son in his room. He’s up so I must go for now.

Take care and God bless!

Secret Anguish

Shutting Down “Secret Anguish”

This has been a long arduous task for me to work on a mental health book on and off for over the last couple of years. For many days now I have worked on my book and almost every evening I have been dealing with intense emotions of anxiety, anger, depression, irritability. I have been in tears and curling up in my bed most every night just trying to get this book written. I’ve wanted to share my story thinking it would help other people but…

I must confess that I have decided to give up writing this book. It is overwhelming me and bringing up such intense emotions my therapist has suggested I stop writing so I don’t make my mental health worse.

I’m sorry to all those who were expecting to following me on this journey through writing my story and then buying the book.

May God bless you all as you go through your own mental health journey.

Secret Anguish, Uncategorized

Secret Anguish: Update

Months have flown by without a new post springing from my fingers. Life has been pretty busy with the holidays and all. But I have some time to update you all on what my current project is.

I’m working on Secret Anguish which at one point was going to be about gluten sensitivity, or what we thought was gluten sensitivity until we later found out I really didn’t have one. So now I am recycling the title and using for my story on mental illness.

I have been diagnosed with PTSD, unspecified bipolar disorder with psychosis,  generalized anxiety disorder, borderline personality disorder, and depersonalization. And I have been going through journal entries since 2005 trying to piece parts of my life together to make this book.

Well I discovered this morning, a journal that I had handwritten and yet typed up like I had done the others to make copying and pasting sections easier (when I needed to do so such as what part is PTSD related, or anxiety related and so forth). So now I have more work to do on top of what I was doing.

Once I get these journal entries typed up and sorted, I’ll be able to go back and work on piecing my book together. My goal is to have my book out before the end of the year. I’m going to work hard on reaching that goal.

Something else that has come my way is teaching my daughter how to create characters because she would like to write her own books. She is 9 and in third grade so I’m curious to see if this is just a passing phase, or if this is going to grow into something more. Whatever the case, I am having a proud mommy moment for the time being.

What are you working on right now? Is it a new novel or short story, a poem, maybe planning a new blog post? I’d love to hear what your’e up to. Or even if you have questions about what the story I’m working on I’d be happy to answer you.

Have a great day and for others who live elsewhere in Maine, be safe out there. Winter Storm Grayson has started unleashing his fury.