highly sensitive person, Secret Anguish

Mental Health and Being a Highly Sensitive Person

As you all know I am back working on my book Secret Anguish which details my story of having mental illness. Well, what I forgot to tell you was that it also mentions that I am a highly sensitive person. And because I’m an HSP, I had to stop and research the symptoms of being and HSP again because it had been so long since I had done so. Well, I was reminded that HSPs are more emotional people and react more to situations and to interaction with others than those who aren’t HSPs.

This made me think, “Could being and HSP also have some bearing on my mental illness? Like could being so easily overstimulated make me feel anxious? Can it make me just want to crawl into bed and hide under the covers mimicking depression? Can it exhaust me and wear me down so that I feel depressed? Is the reason for my anxiety just depression and anxiety stemming from being an HSP?”

The answer to the last question is “no”. It’s not just being an HSP that has me feeling depressed or anxious. It may have some contributing factor, but I was born into a household with a very moody parent where I couldn’t do things right no matter how hard I tried. I was always criticized and the things I did well were never rewarded. I became so afraid of my father’s moodiness (including anger), that I was afraid to breathe around him because if he heard me breathe then he might remember I was in the room with him and then he might start unleashing his anger again.

Now, something I do remember reading about being an HSP is that, having gone through trauma like I did with my dad being the way he was, that you can become an HSP because of that trauma. However, I do remember having some traits of being and HSP as a child anyway, so maybe I was just born with it. Either way, whether I was born with the HSP trait or developed them, doesn’t matter. The end result is that I am and HSP now and that does have some contribution to my mental health.

I am a mom of two, a housewife, and we have one chinchilla, one chihuahua, and three parakeets. The noise of everything gets overwhelming, I get anxious and several times a day I have to flee into my room with the curtains drawn to rest. I also struggle to get out of bed because bed is comfy and quiet. If I get out of bed, I will be subject to all the noise and chaos of life again.

So now I have a decision to make. Do I include being an HSP into Secret Anguish or do I create a whole new book?

What would you like to see? Would you like to see the HSP trait as a book on it’s own, or included with Secret Anguish? Please leave your comments below. I’d love to hear from you.

Also, if you’re an HSP and have mental health issues like I do, I’d love to hear from you too! What do you find is the most difficult for you to deal with every day with being an HSP and how does it affect your mental health?

Reflections of the Heart, Secret Anguish

And Around We Go!

Just last week I wrote a post about shutting down work on my second book Secret Anguish. Well, there have been a change of plans, which I didn’t foresee.

Just yesterday morning I heard back from a literary agent I contacted just last month, and they want to see the first three chapters and a synopsis for Reflections of the Heart (my first book). So what does this have to do with Secret Anguish? Well, I kind of mentioned that I was working on a second book in my query letter, so now I’m like, “Well, what if they want to see work on the second book too?”

And I kept praying about Secret Anguish and if God really wants me to work on this book or not. I keep feeling a draw to write it no matter how difficult it may be emotionally. (I’ll still have to keep a close eye on my mental health.) And I have a LOT of work to do on it. I’m still in the phase of gathering my sources.

So this whole literary agent contacting me asking to see more of one book, has really motivated me to move forward with another book.

We never know just how things are going to turn out when we have several projects going. It’s just amazing how God can turn things around just when you think you’re done with a project, he says, “No, you’re not finished. I need you to work on this and finish it.”

So here I go. I’ve sent off the email to the literary agent with what she’s asked to see. And I’m back hard at work, on Secret Anguish.

I hear my son in his room. He’s up so I must go for now.

Take care and God bless!

Secret Anguish

Shutting Down “Secret Anguish”

This has been a long arduous task for me to work on a mental health book on and off for over the last couple of years. For many days now I have worked on my book and almost every evening I have been dealing with intense emotions of anxiety, anger, depression, irritability. I have been in tears and curling up in my bed most every night just trying to get this book written. I’ve wanted to share my story thinking it would help other people but…

I must confess that I have decided to give up writing this book. It is overwhelming me and bringing up such intense emotions my therapist has suggested I stop writing so I don’t make my mental health worse.

I’m sorry to all those who were expecting to following me on this journey through writing my story and then buying the book.

May God bless you all as you go through your own mental health journey.

Secret Anguish, Uncategorized

Secret Anguish: Update

Months have flown by without a new post springing from my fingers. Life has been pretty busy with the holidays and all. But I have some time to update you all on what my current project is.

I’m working on Secret Anguish which at one point was going to be about gluten sensitivity, or what we thought was gluten sensitivity until we later found out I really didn’t have one. So now I am recycling the title and using for my story on mental illness.

I have been diagnosed with PTSD, unspecified bipolar disorder with psychosis,  generalized anxiety disorder, borderline personality disorder, and depersonalization. And I have been going through journal entries since 2005 trying to piece parts of my life together to make this book.

Well I discovered this morning, a journal that I had handwritten and yet typed up like I had done the others to make copying and pasting sections easier (when I needed to do so such as what part is PTSD related, or anxiety related and so forth). So now I have more work to do on top of what I was doing.

Once I get these journal entries typed up and sorted, I’ll be able to go back and work on piecing my book together. My goal is to have my book out before the end of the year. I’m going to work hard on reaching that goal.

Something else that has come my way is teaching my daughter how to create characters because she would like to write her own books. She is 9 and in third grade so I’m curious to see if this is just a passing phase, or if this is going to grow into something more. Whatever the case, I am having a proud mommy moment for the time being.

What are you working on right now? Is it a new novel or short story, a poem, maybe planning a new blog post? I’d love to hear what your’e up to. Or even if you have questions about what the story I’m working on I’d be happy to answer you.

Have a great day and for others who live elsewhere in Maine, be safe out there. Winter Storm Grayson has started unleashing his fury.

Secret Anguish

Hot Sticky Days Are Here…And So Is The Writing Bug!

Today the writing bug has hit pretty hard. I finished a comprehensive article about Fibromyalgia for my other blog Voice4Butterflies.wordpress.com

Now I am taking a little break and going back to working on Secret Anguish, my story about Celiac discovery.  I will have to read into material to help me get back into the topic but I don’t think it will take long.

A place under the fan, a nice cool drink, and I think I’m ready to get these keys smoking!

I am in the rewriting phase because I didn’t like how the partial first draft was going. It was just rubbing me the wrong way and I struggled to go forward. So I am back reorganizing and I think I may possibly use an outline for this. I am not big on outlining but there are times I have to break down and use one. Now may be one of those times. So I’m off to continue work on my book. Back to chapter 1!

Do you use outlines for your work?

Do you work on more than one project at a time? Or do you prefer to only have one project on your plate?

I’d love to hear from you! Please leave your comments below.

Have a great day/evening!

Secret Anguish

Book Update

Well, I am back again and my mind is just going with thoughts of working on Secret Anguish: My Journey to Better Health. However, the book will be separated into several shorter books. Each book will show my experience through certain things and how God helped me through each one. So the books are part my story and part testimony to show God still working in the world, in the lives of His children.

The books I am going to write do not currently have any titles, but the subjects are this:
1)Post traumatic stress disorder
2)Gluten Intolerance
-development of food allergies
-development of environmental allergies
-development of asthma
3)Pre-diabetes (insulin resistance)
-led to obesity
-led to signs of PCOS but not full blown PCOS

I have numbered the books in the order I’ll be working on them. I still have some research to do for some of these, but I think for the most part, I can begin work on the first and second book since I have them already written in one stage. I just have to go back through them and make sure they say what I want them to say and remove or add a few things.

At this point, I am not sure if I will have to rewrite the books, but I will take a more thorough look and take notes on what all has to be done. May even use outlines which I’m not usually known for using, but may in this case.

So that is the latest update on the projects I have in the works. Please, keep visiting to see more updates. Thanks for reading! 🙂

Secret Anguish

Secret Anguish Revamp

Well, this morning I have finally come to realize that my book Secret Anguish has been a real pain to work on. I couldn’t figure out why for a long time but this morning it dawned on me. I had a hard time working on this book because I was overwhelmed by the amount of information in the book and I somehow knew it would not do well once printed. I figured, if I, the author, was overwhelmed, I can only imagine what the reader must go through to read the book. So now, Secret Anguish is going under a MAJOR revamp and I will be starting with a fresh outline and making the book more simple and easier to follow.

I pray God will help me with this task and that this book, in its new stage, will help inspire and encourage those who read it. Well, it looks like it is time to get started.

Have a great day!

Secret Anguish, Writing Updates

Secret Anguish Book Update

This morning I took the time to go through my book Secret Anguish: A Journey to Better Health and realized it is not as finished as I once thought it was. I have a few things to add to the book since as my recent diagnosis of bipolar disorder, but really it isn’t far from being finished.

I’m still trying to decided on whether or not to self publish this book or try to commercially publish. It’s so hard to decide these days. Either way there are no guarantees. I even recorded a video as I have started video blogging to go with my regular blogs. I have posted the video of You Tube but I will see about either embedding the video in the blog itself or just pasting the link here. Grrr! I am using the WordPress App for Ipad and it doesn’t have a way to add video or even pictures into your blog. How frustrating. Now I have to go to the site to ad the video. Bother! Thought this app was going to make things a little simpler but I guess not. Anyhoo, I will post the video to my blog if I can.

Take care and God bless.