Memoir, Mental health

Behind the Writer

I’m sitting here in my office with the pellet stove roaring away. It’s comfortably warm in this room, but inside me is a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions. You see, I’m not just a writer. First and foremost I am a child of God and I suffer from PTSD, generalized anxiety disorder, and depression. Why am I telling you this? Because I am going to be making blog posts about mental illness that will relate to my upcoming book about my journey through mental illness. And because I’m not afraid to admit that I have a mental illness.

Sometimes, I think that having a mental illness can make us more creative individuals because we look for creative ways to work out the pain that is deep inside. So deep it stays well hidden until we are alone and then we can contain it no longer.

Open the flood gates. Our emotions either come out as a trickle or a roar whether through tears, or through creative means. Or both.

So now you know more about me. But you’ll learn even more as I go along. 😉

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Memoir, Reflections of the Heart

In the Morning Hours

The early morning hours beckon me to awake. I’m not sure why but here I am taping on the keys to my keyboard. These seem to be the the hours where creativity kicks in. And all before the birds and sun awaken.

It is 3:46AM EST on this last day of November, and I have a couple of hours before I have to get my daughter up for school. These hours are mine and so the words must pour forth from my soul for I cannot hold them back. I have much to say on many topics. I have a couple of articles I’d like to write and then work on my memoir, Reflections of the Heart.

In Reflections of the Heart, I share my story of losing my mother as a teenager at 17 and how my faith in God saw me through the pain of loss and moving forward with my life even though it was difficult. I want to write this story to give hope to those children and adolescence who have lost either one or both parents. You are not alone and there is hope. There is a bright light at the end of the tunnel of grief.

Have you lost a parent while in your teenage years, or younger? What things did you do to see you through the grief and to help get yourself back on your feet? I’d love to hear your stories if you are comfortable sharing them with me. If you don’t want to leave a comment you can email me at jisoucie@hotmail.com.

Also, if you’re a writer, when are you most creative, early morning, mid morning, late morning, afternoon, evening?

My best to you in all you do today! God bless!

J. Soucie

Memoir, Reflections of the Heart

Fear? What fear?

Alright…I have to admit fear has been a big factor and has kept me from writing my book and yes, even writing on this blog and my other blog Voice 4 Butterflies. But over the last several months, there have been some changes and I am learning to kick fear out the door and write anyway. I can’t tell you how freeing it has been.

Fear was making me think any idea I had wouldn’t be good enough, or I’d second guess the idea I had going and completely stop and go to something else. And so I would jump around to other projects and could never focus on one.

You may have noticed this in my blog posts how I’ll talk about one project, and the next post will be about something else, and the next one a totally different project. Wow! Talk about a head spin! I probably left you confused as well as myself. I’m sorry for that.

I guess it’s just part of a writer’s journey in figuring things out for herself and working through creative anxiety and learning how to squelch it and move forward regardless. I think we all have to deal with this at some point. If not, that’s great! I wouldn’t wish this on anyone. It’s tough to go through and then really focus on one project and go through it no matter the anxious thoughts one has. Do you deal with creative anxiety? If you do, how do you work through it?

For me it’s about prayer and leaving fear behind when I set out to do something. When I start to feel it I do my best not to accept it. I really had to learn that I could allow myself to feel fear, or say “No! Not today not ever again!” and move one with my project.

So…you may be wondering what project I have jumped back to this time.

I’ve gone back to working on Reflections of the Heart which was previously titled A Daughter’s Reflection. Reflections of the Heart is a tentative title. If you have forgotten what it’s about it’s okay. As much as I have probably confused everyone I don’t blame you.

Reflections of the Heart is a memoir based on my experiences and journal entries as a 17 year-old who finds out her mother has late stage ovarian cancer. The story takes you on my journey to learning the horrific news, to being my mother’s main caretaker, to losing my mother, and then trying to find my way through grief, discovering who I am, and stepping out in faith. My faith was a huge part in how I got through everything. It may be a sad story it is also an enlightening one. I have over 1400+ words done in this rewrite and that’s not counting what I wrote longhand this morning. After this post, I’ll be going back to writing. The writing bug has hit big time and I’m relying on God’s strength to help me fight any fear that may try to deter me again. With my fists up, I’m going in!