Memoir, Reflections of the Heart

Fear? What fear?

Alright…I have to admit fear has been a big factor and has kept me from writing my book and yes, even writing on this blog and my other blog Voice 4 Butterflies. But over the last several months, there have been some changes and I am learning to kick fear out the door and write anyway. I can’t tell you how freeing it has been.

Fear was making me think any idea I had wouldn’t be good enough, or I’d second guess the idea I had going and completely stop and go to something else. And so I would jump around to other projects and could never focus on one.

You may have noticed this in my blog posts how I’ll talk about one project, and the next post will be about something else, and the next one a totally different project. Wow! Talk about a head spin! I probably left you confused as well as myself. I’m sorry for that.

I guess it’s just part of a writer’s journey in figuring things out for herself and working through creative anxiety and learning how to squelch it and move forward regardless. I think we all have to deal with this at some point. If not, that’s great! I wouldn’t wish this on anyone. It’s tough to go through and then really focus on one project and go through it no matter the anxious thoughts one has. Do you deal with creative anxiety? If you do, how do you work through it?

For me it’s about prayer and leaving fear behind when I set out to do something. When I start to feel it I do my best not to accept it. I really had to learn that I could allow myself to feel fear, or say “No! Not today not ever again!” and move one with my project.

So…you may be wondering what project I have jumped back to this time.

I’ve gone back to working on Reflections of the Heart which was previously titled A Daughter’s Reflection. Reflections of the Heart is a tentative title. If you have forgotten what it’s about it’s okay. As much as I have probably confused everyone I don’t blame you.

Reflections of the Heart is a memoir based on my experiences and journal entries as a 17 year-old who finds out her mother has late stage ovarian cancer. The story takes you on my journey to learning the horrific news, to being my mother’s main caretaker, to losing my mother, and then trying to find my way through grief, discovering who I am, and stepping out in faith. My faith was a huge part in how I got through everything. It may be a sad story it is also an enlightening one. I have over 1400+ words done in this rewrite and that’s not counting what I wrote longhand this morning. After this post, I’ll be going back to writing. The writing bug has hit big time and I’m relying on God’s strength to help me fight any fear that may try to deter me again. With my fists up, I’m going in!

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