All day I have made plans to get writing on my story Facade, but I cannot seem to get going. I am thinking about the story constantly and know exactly where I want the story to go, but the struggle comes when even beginning to write. I don’t know if I am just burn out, depressed or what. I feel a little lost. The road to a writing career has turned out to be bumpier than I expected. The desire to write is strong so I don’t understand my hesitation. Maybe it is the meds I am on for depression. I thought they were supposed to help you function not put you in a state where you don’t feel like doing anything. I just really don’t know what to think and feel frustrated. I can write a prayer in my prayer book, an entry in my journal and on my blog. But when it comes to working on a story I struggle.
I know when I was in my teens my mother praised me and supported me for choosing to be a writer, but once she died in was left with a father who criticized me saying “she’ll be lucky to have a book out by the time she dies”. That hit hard and deeply. All I wanted and needed was his support like I got from my mother but that never happened. He never bothered to ask what a story was about or ask to read what I had written so far, or really be involved with my life. My father was also a cause of the PTSD I suffer. I am wondering his comment and lack of support in my life and with my writing really affected me so deeply I feel
“blocked” when it comes to my writing. I just feel like I can’t go on because I have so much self doubt in my ability to write even though writing and English were strong points in school. I wish I knew the answer about what to do to get myself writing again. I feel each day that slips away not writing is a day I could have written another ten pages and be closer to finishing my novel. I will continue to pray about this and see what happens.